Seasons for All

In case you're wondering why we're all going nuts, there are two full moons in March. A friend sent me an article from Elephant Journal (obsessed with EJ) about the full moons and how they will bring much needed closure. It seems tumultuous, but as with every moon-phase, it is for our own higher good, and necessary to clear out what isn't serving us anymore. I feel as though my intuition has been off and I'm still upside down, I blame the moon. Thankfully, the moon isn't full for long this month.

Meanwhile, I am trying to be still like a mannequin - not be seen, not be open, not be vulnerable, but that isn't me. I get uncomfortable spinning in my own thoughts for too long. I have been feeling ultra adrift, purposeless and lost, while everyone else seems to be skipping along, with extra beats in their steps. I'm also annoyed with basic conversations as no one else's life has changed as drastically as mine. The fog feels like it's rolling in again. I can't concentrate, I don't feel especially inspired, and I went way over the limit on the dry shampoo protocol. I lost track of the days. Clouds and white noise are settling in.

It's not every night that I fall asleep clinging to a rose quartz and A's very important shell. But, it does happen at times. While spacing out, I had a urge to check on my Egyptians (A's family). I had a feeling something was off - my pop's tree was uprooted for a storm and I took that as a major sign from the universe. A's mom had passed after being sick for a while and his father had also passed shortly after he I lost him. I breathed a sigh of relief that she is now with her husband and two sons but also panic for A's sister who is still here on earth. Carrying this with me for the past couple days feels so heavy, and I pray he is watching over all of us.  

While getting my coffee, and having an early morning chat with a train face, I completely spaced out while she was bitching about her power missing, annoying in-laws and, a baby who won't sleep. I just wanted to take a nap, while slapping her and say thank God those are your only basic problems.  I hope her coffee spilled on the train and her kid puked all over her. I don't wish loss on anyone or heartbreak but I am so sick and tired of the selfishness everyone has - it's really fucking annoying. I have to forgive myself for not knowing what I didn't know before, until I lived through the grueling heavy pain that most people literally have no idea about.

There is a season for everything. We don't know what's going to happen. Maybe this is my season to feel something extremely deep. Deeper than the roots of a hundred year old tree and deeper than the deepest valleys of the ocean. Spring Forward - what a scary phrase for me now. I remember when that phrase meant just the actual change in season. Doesn't feel like I am totally ready to move on. The whole moon article made sense to me as I closed the book on a former flame who keep popping up, if it's not serving you, move it. It was right, as I feel lighter mentally. Soon enough the clouds and fog will pass and I will feel more like myself. Maybe in time, I will be in a better space and someone else will be where I am now. This could just be my time in life where I float the fog.  All of this is just my soul evolving. My soul, my compass. and my whole life's direction has changed for me.

There are times I have to force myself to breathe. I have found that if I put an ice pack on my chest, I breathe a bit better. I don't know why that helps but it does. Do you all have to force yourself to breathe? Sometimes before a big shift (which I know I am on the verge of). I feel super overwhelmed. The old feels too small and the new isn't born yet. My intuition is strong, I feel things. I remember thinking something bad was going to happen and it did. There have been chapters I have closed. Like a spiritual spring cleaning before the new flowers, opportunities are presented to us by the universe. I will wait with my watering can, new glitter wings, and great hair. I guess you have to honor my path, trust my journey, learn, grown, evolve and become myself, like a butterfly from a cocoon and fly again with new wings. Even if I am struggling to fly, moving my wings is a sign that I haven't given up.

'

XO,

The Widows Peak