Waves

Welcome Back:
So day 2 and I am already getting slack for not maintaining my daily blog. Day 1 was on time, ok Thomas? After serious train ride discussions, Thomas and I decided that I would refer to him as 'Thomas' in my blog...
Thomas was super pissed that I didn't mention my actual first make out session, post A. I asked, 'Did you read my flippin blog??' Seems to me like maybe he just skimmed. 
As a citizen of the great freedom fighting United States of America, I am allowed to share what I want, when I want, and to then remind myself that I need to be careful with which details I divulge to Thomas. Thomas only relied, 'Listen. You need to be me scandalous if we want to get on Ellen...' Mic drop.
I don't know if Thomas will ever realize how much he helps me cope with the monotony of my day to day life. It's a gift to meet someone almost as funny as I am and who is there to lift my spirits nearly every days. There have been many times where I have been too stuck in my brain resulting in tears. Ugly public mascara running down my face tears... and he was there sitting beside me. I love you, man.


Do you ever feel like some weeks are just one extra long fucking day? Instead of it being the same day over and over again, it is actually Groundhog Day! No, it isn't the hilarious Bill Murray Groundhog Day, it's THE actual Groundhog Day!  Couldn't tell you if he saw his shadow or not (my editor cousin just confirmed that the little furry fucker did, in fact, see his shadow). I just know that I need it to be spring. May 1st will mark two years since I lost my A. I'm not sure that is even possible. I am in a limbo space zone where it feels like it happened only 10 minutes ago and already 20 years ago. Sometimes, it's heavy and sometimes it's not so much heavy. In the beginning, the waves were so intense, like tsunami waves of emotion crashing violently and relentlessly on my little beach. The kind of waves that drag you under the water and force you to hold your breath too long. That threaten to knock you down if you dare try to safety. Over and over, the tides pull you into their rage. Eventually between the waves,  you can catch your breath and see a little bit of life. After some more time, they will swell further apart and less intense. When you have great love the waves will never stop, but we come as a reminder. Maybe it will be a memory, a song, a smell that will bring you back. Just know, in time you will be able to swim and you won't need to exhaust your soul kicking so hard to stay afloat. I imagine as life goes on the waves will keep coming and there will be more losses. That is the hardest part about loving.


Grief I like an ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.


Vicki Harrison





The Widow's Peak xo

Comments

  1. Catching your breath in between crashing waves is such an apt description of coping with grief. Thank you so much for sharing ❤

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