Healing is Messy....

It's January and there is a super blood blue moon today.  It's a time to be positive and focus on change and manifesting my dreams. I am getting out of my comfort zone, starting a new project and taking a major leap of faith. I am excited to see where this blog takes me and the changes and impact I can have on other widows or people who have survived a great tragedy. 

The Widow's Peak... Welcome! 

I had lunch with my friend Margaret yesterday at Pat's Place, the spot sandwiched between our two hospitals. I met Margaret at least 100 years ago - both of our first days on the job. We share a history and lunches - it's kind of our thing. I digress. Back to the story... The place is hopping with MD's, good tuna, and THE coldest cans of Diet Coke this side of the MassPike (that fridge is on high). I see her jumping up and down, eyes wide, the smile that hollers, 'Tell me, girrrrrrrl!!'. 

I start with, 'What I am doing now, is for the people...' 

I've been canoodling with a new friend (MD from a past job) who recently confessed his interest. It's great. He knows my story, he's flippin adorable, fun, taken (no judgment). As a recent widow, you can legit DO. WHAT. YOU. WANT. Normal rules just don't apply. I just can do or don't or change my mind a bajillion times. I can eat my tuna and tell Margaret about my torrid parking garage escapades. I feel alive again. The 8 years ago me has been reborn. It's nice to be interested (sort of) in the opposite sex again and this has been my first encounter since I lost my Achilles. I have basically been living life like a Sister, the convent kind.

Lunch was disrupted by a wild, fucking bird. This little pecker flapped into Pat's like the sky was falling.  Margaret and I burst into uncontrollable laughter because if anyone so much as utters the word 'bird', I totally lose my shit and freak out. The thought of a nasty, germy feather touching my face gives me an instant case of the hives. 

Our chat continues as we weave through the halls of the Brigham. We go into a deep conversation about my idea for this blog. So here I am now - inspired by Margaret, the bird, filthy make-out sessions, my cousin Sarah (my editor), and my beloved husband. I know he is behind me, holding me up as I struggle, pushing me to keep going. Just keep going...

I've had this dream about Achilles - I am watching a race, standing on the side lines. Someone is pulling my arm, guiding me into the race. I look up and it's him, my husband Achilles. He's right there with me. I remembering asking a lot of questions (typical on earth, too) and he kept saying 'It's ok babe, just keep going.' The whole time we were running side by side and he would look at me and say, 'keep going'. At one point we were laughing and my heart was so happy, just like it was when he was with me on earth. He eventually disappeared into the crowd and I was asking people if they have seen my husband. I've had that dream twice. Both times, I woke up crying. 

This blog is meant to share my highs and my lows while I manage my grief. It's my journey and I hope to encourage and support you on yours.





The Widow's Peak xo



Comments

  1. Wow! This is so inspiring. I am so proud of you...you are an amazing writer. I was gripped from beginning to end. Please keep going love 😍

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